Les Halles

After watching Kitchen Confidential I had to read the actual book. After reading the book I had to eat at Les Halles. The whole experience - the food and the service - was bad. Almost comically bad. Our waiter was literally completely cracked out, he could barely keep his eyes open and was having a hard time standing up. He comes up to our table, leans against a chair and mumbles the specials to us, stuttering through most of it. His eyes have that droopy look, you know when you're in class and you're really bored and tired and doing your best to stay awake. Then i watch up knock over an entire bottle of wine at another table, candle wax gets on everything and everyone's fumbling around, trying not to get red wine on their clothes. Again, the waiter looks utterly confused and out of it, like he has no idea what's going on.

The food was completely forgettable. I'm pretty sure I've had better steak at TGI Fridays. I ordered the Les Halles "classic": steak, frites and salad. The salad seemed like a complete afterthought, as if the chef was thinking, "oh crap, this dish comes with salad. Oh well, who the fuck cares, lets just drench some limp mesclun greens with dressing and serve that." The salad had no flavor whatsoever, the leaves were limp and disgusting, there was way too much dressing...the whole thing tasted like balsamic vinaigrette soup. The steak also lacked any sort of flavor or juice. I had a really hard time cutting through the steak, even though I ordered it medium. The edges of the steak were extremely tough and hard the chew. AND it was lukewarm by the time it got to our table! Nothing is worse than almost-cold steak. The fries were pretty decent, but uh, I'm pretty sure I didn't come to Les Halles to eat fries.

The decor was decent albeit a bit dingy. Looks like the place could use a good scrub down. The restaurant felt a little humid, and our neighbors must have complained about it, because our idiotic waiter pointed this huge fan in our direction, completely drying out my eye balls.

And to end the whole thing, our droopy-eyed, idiotic waiter comes up to us and mumbles, "uh, so, do you guys want to see the dessert menu or something?" We respond with a polite "no" and he shrugs his shoulders and slinks away. And he proceeded to pass out and drop dead in the middle of the restaurant. Ok the last part didn't happen.

Les Halles isn't much more than a gussied up 99/Ground Round/your local crappy steakhouse. Bourdain makes his food sound amazing in his books, too bad it's terrible in real life. AND! I also read online that he and his high school sweetheart got divorced a few years ago and he remarried some Italian woman. And they just had a baby! Tsk. Tsk.